My Vagina Monologues


Now I’m about to get a little bit personal here, so if you’re squeamish or one of my supportive family members (I love you!), you should probably stop reading right here…

Alright, for those of you who are still with me, I’m about to share some enlightening info I learned at my doctor’s office today. This news changed my personal hygiene world and hopefully it will give you more insight into your nether region as well.

So…ever since I hit puberty back in middle school, I’ve been a stauch supporter of pantiliner usage (my favorite are Always Dri-Liners—Always Black pantiliners from London were the ultimate in feminine hygiene genius but sadly discontinued). My mom used them and I thought they made me more womanly. I knew douching was bad (washes away good bacteria, invented by misogynists, causes yeast infections, etc.), but pantiliners seemed very civilized and most importantly, clean. Long story short, the most steady relationship my vagina had was with these thin absorbant pads.

As the years (okay, decades) rolled by, I noticed that my pantiliner habit was becoming more serious. While one thin pantiliner used to last me a whole day (it was more like backup protection than anything else), recently I had to step it up to two or three changes a day. That’s a lot of pantiliners!

Worried I was dealing with some sort of chronic yeast infection, I went to see my doctor today, who explained that my troubles could be traced back to my beloved pantiliners. Apparently, pantiliners can overdry this delicate region (all that wetness-wicking technology!) and my vagina was fighting back the only way it new how—by creating more protective moisture. Essentially, my loyal pantiliner relationship was the root of my problems and making my vagina more addicted to them. My doctor’s suggestion? Cotton underwear, no soap, no hot water (lukewarm is okay), 1% cortisone ointment, and loose fitting clothes (preferably skirts to let the area breathe).

So I’ve broken up with my dear pantiliners. We’ll see how this goes…

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